Did you know Edit. Trivia The night of the show's taping, the crew set up but through some error gave the actors no access to the bathroom. Just before the show, Denis Leary had to take a shit badly, but had no way of getting to it.
Chris Phillips took a look at the crowd and seeing no way to get Denis to the bathroom without making the audience believe the show had started, handed Denis a mop bucket and a roll of toilet paper, and sent him into a separate room backstage. During a documentary on the show featured on the DVD, Denis was filmed pulling his pants down and squatting over the bucket.
Crazy credits Denis ends the show collapsing dead from a fake heart attack, then is seen laying there not moving all through the credits as everyone is leaving. Connections Featured in De wereld draait door: Episode 4. User reviews 25 Review. Top review. No laughs, either. In "No cure for cancer" Denis Leary hammers some points to his viewers: He has used all the drugs there are.
He loves to smoke. He hates people who whine about having it hard. Twelve guys willing to do whatever he wanted to do. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, "Damn, I'm the son of God.
Give me a cheese burger and french fries right now. Where's Mary Magdeline, I want a blow job now. Come on now! Fuck you, or I'll turn you into a leper. Give me a cheese burger now, God dammit.
Love me tender, love me true, empty my colostamy bag! Oh I think I shit my pants on that last Change my diaper now! I'm going to hell for that bit. And you're all coming with me! And don't try to get out of it, "We didn't laugh at that bit, Jesus, please!
Get on the bus with Leary and Scorsese. You're going right to fucking hell! It's Andy Gibb, singing Shadow Dancing for eons and eons. And you have to wear orange plaid bell bottoms and sit next to the Bay City Rollers. This is gonna suck! I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright!
There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle. I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting! I don't care how many laws they make.
What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?! The cops are outside, "We know you have the cigarettes. Come out of the house with the cigarettes above your head. I'm never coming out, you hear? I got a cigarette machine right here in my bedroom. Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies. So I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies all the way around my neck.
I'll be Tracheotomie Man! He's Tracheotomie Man! I'm looking forward to cancer, man. I want that throat cancer. That's the best kind. You get that throat cancer, you get that voice box thing.
Know what I'm talking about? Sure it's scary, but you can make a lot of money with a voice box. Get a voice box, walking around the streets of Manhattan, "[VB] You got any spare change? Here's my whole wallet, get away from me! Imagine a whole family with voice boxes. That'd be creepy, wouldn't it? They'd be out in that backyard everyday during the summer. We'll leave right now. Sparky, come here. Or the ultimate irony. A guy with a voice box pulling up to the drive through window at McDonald's.
That has to suck, huh? I can remember a time in this country when men were proud to get cancer, God dammit! When it was a sign of manhood! John Wayne had cancer twice. Second time, they took out one of his lungs.
He said, "Take 'em both! Cuz I don't fuckin' need 'em! I'll grow gills and breathe like a fish! Babe Ruth, greatest baseball player to ever play the game. He had a voic box. He was the first American to have a voice box. I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I fucked eighteen prostitutes a night! I'm up here in heaven. Lou Gehrig is up here with me. God love Lou Gehrig. Jesus Christ, poor Lou Gehrig. Died of Lou Gehrig's disease. How the hell did he not see that coming? You know.
We used to tell him, Lou, there's a disease with your name all over it, pal! There ain't no Babe Ruth disease, I'll tell you that much right now. Have a hot dog and a Hummer. Go ahead, it's on me. I don't know. Personally, I think Billy Martin said it best when he said, "Hey! I can drive! We fucking tried.
You wanted your own sections in the restaurants. We gave you that, huh. But that wasn't enough for you. Then you wanted the airplanes. We gave you the whole God damn plane! You happy now? You own the fucking plane! I'd like an explanation about that one folks because I will guarantee you if the plane is going down, the first announcement you're gonna hear is, "Folks, this is your Captain speaking.
Look, uhm, light 'em up, 'cause we're going down, okay. I got a carton of Camels non-filters, I'll see you on the ground. Take it easy. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. Rrrr Rrrr". The filters the best part. That's where they put the heroine. Only us real good smokers know that fucking secret. Yeah, we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We tried. But you just fucking badger us, you know?
You won't leave us alone! You got all your little speeches you're always giving to us. All these little facts that you dig out of a newspaper or pamphlet and you store that little nugget in your little fucking head, and we light up and you spew 'em out at us, don't ya? I love these little facts. Smoking takes ten years off your life. It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair kidney dialysis fucking years.
You can have those years! We don't want 'em, alright!? And I guarantee if I'm still alive, I'll be smoking then. I'll be in my wheelchair, with my adult diapers on and my twenty-five year old non- smoking born again christian son behind me. I'll be going, "Hey!
Make sure you wipe this time. I was itching all week for Christ's sake! And get me some more wippets. I'm almost out, you fucking pussy! Come on! Because you're always telling us, "You know, ever cigarette takes six minutes off your life. If you quit now you can live an extra ten years. If you quit now, you can live an extra twenty years. Jim Fix. Remember Jim Fix? The big famous jogging guy? Jogged fifteen miles a day. Did a jogging book. Did a jogging video. Dropped out of a heart attack when?
When he was fucking jogging, that's when! What do you wanna bet it was two smokers who found the body the next morning and went, "Hey! That's Jim Fix, isn't it? Come on, lets go buy some buds. It's always the yogurt sprout eating mother fuckers who get run over buy a bus drive by a guy who smokes three and a half packs a day.
I was too busy smoking! I love to smoke and I love to eat red meat. I love to eat raw fucking red meat. Nothing I like better than sucking down a hot steaming cheese burger and a butt at the same time. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks.
I tried eating vegetarian. I feel like a wimp going into a restaurant. Always was, always will be, ok? When they ask me what I want, I say, "What do you think I want!?
This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now. Forget about that. Bring me a live cow over to the table. I'll carve off what I want and ride the rest home! I gonna open up my own place.
Open my own restaurant and get away from you people. I gonna open up a restaurant with two smoking sections; Ultra and Regular, ok? And we're not gonna have any tables or any chairs or any napkins. None of that pussy shit. Just a big wide open black space. And all we're gonna serve is raw meat, right on the bone!
And only men are going to eat there, naked men, sitting around a big giant camp fire, and no men's room either. You have to piss, you mark your territory like a wolf! And if some guy has a heart attack from eating too much meat, fuck him, we throw him in the fire!
More meat for the other meat-eaters! Because you gotta have goals. Because everybody in this room knows everybody who's quitting.
You all have that friend who's quitting it. You know what I mean? The guys quitting it, "I quit smoking. I quit drugs. I quit drinking.
I quit meat, and I feel great. I get up in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran. I go to the bathroom for three and a half hours. The main characters of this humor, non fiction story are ,. The book has been awarded with , and many others.
Please note that the tricks or techniques listed in this pdf are either fictional or claimed to work by its creator. We do not guarantee that these techniques will work for you.
Denis Leary: Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette butt, or a chocolate chip cookie or a five second orgasm. Denis Leary: Explain it to me. Heavy metal bands on trial because kids commit suicide, what is that about? Judas Priest on trial because my kid bought the records, and he listened to the lyrics, and he go into Satan Well that's great. That sets a legal precedent. Denis Leary: I would never do crack. I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass.
Denis Leary: You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a Cadillac El Dorado convertible. Hot pink! With whale-skin hubcaps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights!
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at MPH, getting one mile per gallon, suckin' down Quarter-Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam container and when I'm done suckin' down those grease-ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag, and I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it.
You know why? Because we got the bombs. That's why! Two words! Russia, Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake and walk right through the middle of Tiananmen Square and it won't make a lickin' difference cause we got the bombs, okay? Denis Leary: This is America! I want a bowl of raw red meat, right now! Forget that! Bring me a live cow over to the table! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Forgot your password? Retrieve it. TV Shows. Genre: Comedy. Year: 1, Views. Denis Leary: Not eating meat is a decision.
Eating meat is an instinct! Denis Leary: Cocaine, we started that. You're welcome. Denis Leary: We love the muppets. They're so cute! Share your thoughts on No Cure for Cancer's quotes with the community: 0 Comments. Notify me of new comments via email. Cancel Report. Create a new account. Log In. Please enter your email address: Submit. Powered by CITE. Know another quote from No Cure for Cancer? Don't let people miss on a great quote from the "No Cure for Cancer" movie - add it here!
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